What is the most embarrassing moment of your life? Okay, what about the most embarassing SECTION of your life? You probably forgot what it really was, and you're settling for the second best... Well, I'll never be able to forget what the most embarassing period of my life was... Nor will you...

It was about September 15th, 1996. I had, for some reason, just gotten into some weird science fiction head, and I was GOING to make MY OWN SPACE MOVIE! I set to planning, I went everywhere with my pen and paper, writing down the best ideas.

I procured a big posterboard and decorated it with cutout stars, then got some thread and attached it to some Playmobil figures I had. I took a Kleenex box and decorated it like a house (an intricate part of the plot). I decided what music to use (Pink Floyd and related only). I was READY TO FILM!!

My dad borrowed a camera from his office, and I was the happiest little chubby kid on the block (also the only happy little chubby kid on the block)! I gathered my mother and sister. They were to be my crew! My sister ended up filming it, my mother watched... I acted... or something like that... THIS MOVIE HAD NO SCRIPT, and unfortunately the heat from the camera scared me and I kind of forgot what the plot was. Therefore, this movie seems to have absolutely no plot.

It was supposed to be: I am in space, I live there. There is a leader (presidential figure) that gives me a mission. I am to look for the planet GOSSIP. Once I find it, I would become the new leader... Unfortunately I am warped to Earth... and that is the end... Now this plot sucks, but the resulting lack-of-plot is worse... It is all improvisational and you can tell!

Well, back to where we began... If you're ever feeling down or worthless, watch this movie. It is a cure for any self-esteem problem imaginable. I'm serious... The only thing left for you to do is to watch the movie... And... READ THE SCRIPT! I've decided to decipher all that is said in this movie, and write out the script so you may REALLY believe what you are hearing!

SCRIPT:

Alex: (at home) Don't you like my pretty house? It has all these weird statues and stuff. Here's my spaceship, isn't it cool? And... ALSO, I have these cool gears over here. Well, sometimes they turn, sometimes they don't, I never know whenever when they are. WATCH 'EM GO! Whaddya' know, it's that time of day again... I have to go see my leader! (now floating in space) Where is he? I can't find it! Oh gosh, I can't even see....Oh, WHHEEERRE is that leader, he's always LATE! Oh Gah Lee!

Leader: (flies in) yaOOOOHHH I'm HERE now! (whoah) I need you to go off in space and LOOK FOR THE PLANET GOSSIP! (whoah help me)

Alex: Okay, don't worry (shortly after, a massive hand flies down the right of the screen... hmm.... Then, after some whispers, ALEX is in his spaceship... obviously flying through the fuel of a human arm) Haaaaoooww... I wonder when I'll find it (the planet, paper, then comes into view, falls over, then passes the ship) Oh there it goes! I have ta' fin... I have ta' go in search of it (there is an attack of massive arms on screen, while ALEX is landing on the planet, but misses) Oh great, I passed it again.. Uh oh (he is in some forcefield) oh, oh... WHAAAWWW!!!! (This is followed by a long sequence of ALEX flying around in space moaning, hitting the camera lens frequently) Whoah! Where am I going?

Babysitter in Space: Gosh! Why's that John Michael always like that? (the Kleenex house falls on her, she is dead... "uh oh")

John Michael: (voice of Gumby surprisingly) Where's that babysitter? Gosh she's always off into trouble. Believe ME.. I'm kinda' like the babysitter around here. Gosh! This dimension's weirder tha... It's different than that other one that three-dimensional world I think.. This is a DIFFERENT kinda'... d..i..m...e..n..s..i..o..n... Unexplainable

Alex: I feel like I'm in another dimension.. I dimension of sight and OH GOSH not the twilight zone, believe me THAT'S STUPID!

John Michael: Hey you look just like me!

Alex: WELL I'M NOT!!! hahaha

John Michael: What's your name?

Alex: My name's Alex. What's yours?

John Michael: My name's John Michael.

Alex: OKAY! Alex and John Michael and we just don't have the same color shirt or pants... Now isn't that... a DANDY

John Michael: What dimension am I in?

Alex: You're in the dimension of me.

John Michael: MEE! I've never heard of that dimension! Kind of weird.. WHAAAAAOOH!

Narrator: At Gossip...

Chris: Hey, my name's Chris... and I LIKE RAP... oh, nevermind. I don't like rap really. Um, who cares about music right now (hard-pressed for dialogue, I spot the shadow of Chris on the posterboard) I can't even see a camera. OH, LOOK THERE'S A SHADOW OF ME IN THE DISTANCE!! hahaha. I'm kind of lonely. Don't you think you would be in space alone?

Alex: Yeah, I do Chris!

Chris: Hey, how'd you hear me?

Alex: I've been twirling around in space all of this time

Chris: Well, why ya' twirling?

Alex: Because this guy's MAKING ME (oh, there was a puppeteer?) uh.. uh oh... oh, oh, oh, ohaaaaaaehooowehwhah (big sound, now suddenly Alex is on a bed) I don't feel so good. Whoah, not very good (a flash of light, and suddenly Alex is a human on the bed) GOSH I'M A LOT BIGGER! Oh gosh, cha... Clothes change through time don't they. What's this stuff? Let's see... What over here is this? (picks up a guitar and puts it on his head, like a hat) Gosh, there's some mighty weird hats on this place! Oh... Excuse me, do you know where we are?

Voice: Planet Earth

Alex: Earth, Earth. Oh I see that far third thing from the Sun. Yeah, that thing (mouths for the camera to stop, then suddenly there is some music) Let's see, oh cool this song's called Third Stone from the Sun, how appropriate isn't it???!! haha (dances with guitar a little) THE END!

And, fortunately for all, that is the end...
I have nothing more to say except I'm sorry...

...is what I'd like to say, but recently I discovered a paper I wrote about a month later in my fourth grade class, and it is VERY related...

What I find so strange is that I seem to have The Twilight Zone stuck in my head, though in the movie I say "Oh not the Twilight Zone, believe me that's stupid." And in this story, it is great...

What-the-hell-ever, Alex, what-the-hell-ever...